January 2, 2017. Monday. Most everyone had off today but since I turned to hourly at work, I gotta work to earn my coins! I love working on holidays though, it is so quite, no traffic and people who usually need me aren’t there. I packed some leftover ravioli and chicken parm for lunch, yum. I got a lot of work done and I was planning on working an 8 hour today. I got in around 9 am however around 3 pm, I shut down. I felt accomplished, 6 hours seems to be my time. Left work, called Kim, he was relaxing at home. I got home and we watched The Kitchen, it is Kim’s favorite show and it is pretty amazing if you ask me. I wasn’t hungry after I got home after having a big lunch so neither of us knew what we wanted. However, my hunger hits in a split second. I was going to make Ed a ham, American cheese, spicy mustard with mayo sandwich on whole wheat bread for lunch tomorrow at MSK, our ham wasn’t going to be good for much longer. After making his and packing the best potato chips ever, I decided to make one for myself, with chips and leftover onion dip from NYE (oye vey). Then I ate two Ghirardelli chocolates (thanks Gina!), a chocolate chip cookie. Maybe I had some Talenti gelato chocolate chip cookie dough, oh no, that was Sunday night. Getting all my sugar cravings mixed up. I think I was stress eating. Bleh. Hillary came over around 8 pm. She is staying the week as Kim is off to Florida on Wednesday. He booked his annual trip with his cousin Dave. They go down to Palm Beach for the week to visit their grandparents and play LOTS of golf. At first he said he was not going to go, I said no, of course you need to go, you will need a break. When it got closer and treatment started I wasn’t feeling the same. I actually asked him to cut it short but then rebuked my request. He REALLY needs a break and Hillary will be here and mom is coming up, friends coming for sleepover, Kim’s mom coming up for dinner and making eggplant parm, YUM, others coming up as well. I won’t even know he is gone! No, I will, but it will all be okay.
Anyway, Hillary, Kim & I watched Cake Wars as one of my best friends little brothers was on!!! So cool, he did great , came in 3rd (you rock Daniel!). Got in bed around 10 pm and the tears came. I haven’t cried in a while, go me. I just didn’t want to go to chemo the next day. “I don’t wanna go, I just don’t” …… “but you have to go, you have to get better for me”. This is true. This isn’t all about me really. I need to get better for everyone else. I can do it. I can do it for them as well as myself. Fell asleep around 11:30 pm, 24 was getting intense!
January 3. 2016. Tuesday. Woke up around 7 am for 7:45 am pick up from dad. Bleh. Put on my usual leggings, sweater and Uggs I’ve had for years(sssssss). Those shits last. Dad got here around 8 am, traffic. HE SHAVED HIS HEAD AND BEARD. My dad is bald on top but has been growing out his pony tail (yes, I said pony tail) for a long time now and beard, like cool beard, that he got compliments on a lot and loved. “Solidarity” he said as tears started to run down my face.
We got in pretty quick, minimal traffic which was surprising with the rain. Got in around 9:30 am for 10 am blood. Parked in the MSK parking. It was so clean, people were so nice and it was valet. We had been parking in a deck closer to the center we were going because the first day the line was soooo long. But this one was $10 cheaper. Look into parking and stuff. A few tears fell as we walked toward the breast center because well, I don’t want chemo! Oh well. Got in, got blood drawn from my finger as I do each time to look at my WBC, platelets, etc. everything normal! Woot!
Went up and saw the NP and Dr. Norton around 10:30 am. They are happy with how I look/feel. The NP said she thinks the lymph node may actually be getting smaller already. Not sure about that though. Yesterday my hair starting falling out one strand, then another, then another. Today, my hair started FALLING OUT. A lot around my hairline, about 10 strands at a time. Not just a few times, every time. I texted Kim, “get the razor ready, it’s happening tonight”….”going to the store right now, we will get a new one”. Then texted mom, “you need to come up tomorrow with your wigs, mine aren’t coming in until end of week or next week”…..”ok honey”. Relief and sadness went through me. I’m losing my hair. It was everywhere. Right on time like they said. I couldn’t live like that for one more day. I took 1 mg of Ativan and waited for treatment for 12:45 pm appointment. Didn’t get in until 2:45 pm! Everyone was getting treatment after the holidays. Oh well, thankful I’m getting treated there. Walked in and we were in suite 14. Almost called ahead to get suite 8 like last time but I’m working on my OCD. I got the nurse Nora who came in after the first nurse missed my vein last time. I was really happy. Until she missed twice, and another nurse missed, 4th times a charm! She said I was cold, true, and maybe I needed to hydrate more before treatment, true. Getting a port was spoken about and the nurse e-mailed Dr. Norton.
We didn’t start treatment until 4 pm. They slowed down the second portion of the treatment (C) to help with the headache from 30 minutes to 45 minutes. We were out of there by 5:30 pm and we were READY to go. Kim was texting Hillary and I all day. He was making meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. Kim doesn’t really cook, or he didn’t in the past. He is basically learning, for himself, and for me. He watches a lot of shows on the food network. So he was making meatloaf, can’t be too hard, loaf of meat. He made this by Ree Drummond. We had no idea until we walked in. IT WAS AMAZING. There was pork, beef, parmesan, special homemade sauce, fresh mashed potatoes, green beans with almonds. Like I can cook, I don’t think I could have done what he did. He truly is amazing and surprises me more and more everyday and I am not just saying that. If he sucked during this, I would tell you. He had the food plated for Hillary and I, with sauce, and drinks and just wow. We got home sat down and I ate 95% of it. That didn’t happen last time. They really give you so much nausea medication in your IV you don’t really have any stomach issues. Oh, other than constipation. Omg, my friend got me the squatty potty. More than a few of my friends have it and it disturbed me at first. I haven’t try it yet, I will get back to you. Anyway, dinner was great, then it was time to shave my head.
Popped another mg of ativan because, BECAUSE DUH I’M A 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WHO HAS A BOYFRIEND AND WAS GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD. Prior to even being diagnosed Kim said he would shave his head. He is balding on the top so it is kind of necessary but I would have never made him do it, probably suggested it. One of his golf members hugged him when he found out and said “you know what this means right, you actually have to shave your head”….. “I know man”. LOL. I was feeling anxious of course, sat for about 10 minutes and then the anticipation was just building and I couldn’t take it anymore. “Let’s just do it”, I said. I grabbed a stool from my coffee bar, Hillary grabbed the garbage bags to put underneath, Kim prepped the razor. We were all kind of tiptoeing around each other, no one really knew that to say. The razor kit came with scissors so I just started hacking away at my hair, more as a joke. Like hello…..
It was feeling really weird at this point, I was feeling nauseous. Hillary was behind me, tears falling down her face quickly, eyes red. It was funny and sad and every emotion in between. Hillary cut a few pieces off too. Then, it was time, “just do it Kim, do it”. He started with a 2; ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, the noise was one of the worst I’ve ever heard. It was intense which was good but just so close to my ear. Tears continued to roll at this point. Kim was doing well, he just went in on it, knowing that was how it was going to have to be if we were going to get this done. After he got the right side off, and I felt it, it was kind of amazing. Like wow, I have no hair right here. KEEP GOING! He did the back, then the left side then we played with a little mohawk action. Then I just said “just do it”.
It was gone. My hair was gone. So much of it. My hair is sooooo thick. The individual pieces themselves are sooooo thick. Were, they were thick. We decided to go down to a 1, the lady at the wig place suggested a 1. Plus the hair will still fall out and I would rather them be very small pieces. So, it was over. I had no hair. “I mean, you don’t look bad, you look good” – Kim. Ten minutes later, “I mean, I really like it, it looks really good” – Kim. In bed that night, “GI Jane, like this is kind of cool, I really like it” – Kim. Even if he didn’t mean it, which Kim doesn’t really say stuff he doesn’t mean, it still made me feel good. Guys, you have to say it, and you have to say it like that, just FYI. I jumped in the shower, hair everywhere. SHORT SHOWER NO HAIR LOVED ITTTTTT. Kim was up next.
He started on himself then I finished him up in the back. He looked amazing. He then shaved his beard off for his Florida trip and WOW. Not to get in too deep, but even day of chemo, I would have done the dirty he looked so good but, I did have chemo and I don’t think you can swap fluids for 5 days because of the A part of the chemo, bummer. We got in bed and I was TIRED. Almost a good tired. The day was over, another treatment done, my head is shaved and Kim is next to me and Hillary was upstairs. Good day.
January 4, 2016. Wednesday. I woke up at 5 am, ripped off my shirt and pants because I was SWEATING. Took 0.5 mg of Ativan and I think started watching Sex and the City on my phone? I am not even sure I think I passed out not too far after. Slept until 8 am. Turned over, Kim opened his eyes. He just started rubbing my head. I said,”babe, we’re bald”…. “I know, it’s awesome”. We got up, Kim continued to pack, shower, etc. for his trip. I had cereal as the we met with the RD today. She recommended it, never thought of it. Good idea. I had it with banana, slivered (is that a word, silvered? no) and honey. It was…… decent. I’ll eat it. I actually was craving coffee which I was nottttttt at this point two weeks ago. Kim made his and I was drinking some of that because he wanted to make sure I would finish an entire one. Ugh. Then he finally made me some and I only drank half, hehe.
Kim left for Florida around 11 am. No tears. It is only a week and I pretty much have every other day filled up with his or my family plus friends in between. I signed into work for about 3 hours, feeling really good and productive, not tired at all. Hillary and I then had to head to BR MSK for my Nuelasta shot because the other one malfunctioned that I had at my house. We then stopped at shop rite. I wore my hat and didn’t really think anything of it. I wonder what other people thought. The good thing is the fact that it is winter and it’s pretty normal to wear a hat and I could just have really short hair (or shaved). We collected a few things we needed, and of course a few things we didn’t need like this, I will let you know how it is. While we were checking out, I was putting my phone number into the credit card swiper thing. I was using my knuckle because so many people touch those things. I messed up the number and said, “whoops, can you restart it, I messed it up”. The young gentleman, probably 25-30 years of age, said, “I will put it in, I see you’re a germophobe” with a smile on his face, I said, “haha, yeah, I am sick, I don’t want to get all the germs”, he said, “I respect that, I get it”. I think he thought I meant I had OCD or some other type of mental illness so I said, “oh, no, I actually have cancer”. He was a little bit taken aback but after three seconds said, “when where you diagnosed?”. It made me feel good that I didn’t scare the crap out of him. I said, “about a month and a half ago, that’s why I am wearing this hat, we shaved my head last night, eek!” with a smile on my face. He replied, “oh, wow, you still look beautiful”. YA MADE MY DAY SIR. We finished the transaction and he held on to the receipt until I looked him in the eye and said, “have a great day” with huge smile on his face. So thankful for people like you sir.
Hillary and I got home, fixed the malfunctioned Neulasta shot, whoops (no she did, I sat on the couch, and then pulled out every cheese and cracker we and in the house leftover from NYE. Yum. We started noshing. Kara then came over and we were all just hanging out. Around 6:30 pm I started to go a bit down hill. Head was on the pillow and blanket was pulled up. Hillary warmed up some homemade chicken noodle soup my friend sent over (thank you Gina!!!). It was delicious and exactly what I needed. We headed up to bed around 8-9 pm and watched the Anthony Weiner documentary on Showtime. We recommend it. Fell asleep around 10:30 pm after a convo with Kim. Hoping tomorrow will be a good day as well.