February 13, 2017. Monday. Woke up around 8 am, showered, got ready. I had to leave around 9:15 am for my echocardiogram. Got there around 9:30 am. Got called over to get my insurance info and everything set and get a wristband. I wish I saved all my medical ID wristbands to burn after this – tip of the day if you cancer fighters are reading this. Called in around 10 am. The woman who did my procedure was very nice. Then a doctor walked in who was doing her cardio fellowship. She was a cute lady, small, pregnant. She was talking about how she was on call the other night and was in the hospital until 4 am, BUT YOU’RE PREGNANT MA’AM. Just doesn’t seem good for the baby but that’s just me. I was done by 10:30 am. Wiped all that gooooooop off and head off to work. Stopped at Quick Chek on the way to get a sub, yum, and then a big thing of water, oh yeah and cheddar Sun Chips. I like the original brand the best but hey, I will eat them. I LOVE SUN CHIPS. Got to work, had a lot of work to do. Put my head down and work. Left around 4:30 pm, was getting tiredddd. I needed to lay down.
I got home and Kim was hungry. I could eat too. We took a bunch of leftovers out of the fridge; meatballs, mini potato rolls, one piece of lasagna, meatball pizza. Kim made mini meatball sliders which were pretty amazing. I had a few bites, then a slice of pizza then a small piece of lasagna, hence, I am chubby, eye roll. Kim’s mom then came over and we fed her some of the pizza before GALENTINE’S DAY. We went to Pinot’s Palette for a Galentine’s Day celebration with Meg. We painted wine glasses. I love painting wine glasses. A few years ago, did I tell you about this, I had my girlfriends over for a cookie swap, pajama party, wine glass painting. It was soooo fun. There was wine too, yum. I can’t wait to have a nice glass of freakin’ pinot noir. Anyway, the class was fun. Got home around 9:15 pm and it was time for bed. Chemo tomorrow, awesome.
February 14, 2017. Tuesday. Happy Valentine’s Day. Happy 3 year Anniversary to Kim and I. Happy first day of taxol. I wonder if I will hate Tuesday in the future, lol, prob not. Woke up around 8 am. Took a shower, I think the first time I have ever showered on chemo day, had to smell fresh, anniversary after all. I got Kim a card with a piece of pizza on it half eaten that said “I can’t get enough of you” and then you opened the card and it said “Happy Valentine’s day Dear Friend”. Wait what. Yeah I clearly didn’t open the card BUT WHO WOULD GIVE THAT TO A FRIEND. I don’t know, is it me but like, it has a little sexual connotation to it no? or, ok, I don’t know. I clearly crossed it out and wrote “lover, best friend, tear wiper, makes me shower-er, personal chef, etc.”. Kim and I did not exchange anything this year. Actually I never get him anything, I always think of Valentine’s day as a, man give woman flowers and gift, holiday, sorry Kim. I did not want flowers, I am ok not receiving fresh flowers for a really long time. I did not want a gift because he is a gift every freakin’ day. What I have learned in this relationship (lesson number 1,453), these holidays and gift giving days are NOT what a relationship makes and are actually the least important days. It is the normal, regular, days that your significant other needs to show you on a regular basis how much they care about you. Effort, thoughtfulness and consistency. Kim sending me flowers is him sending me flowers because I asked for them. The time he took after chemo one time, to look up recipes, went grocery shopping and make the best meatloaf of my life, mashed potatoes and green beans, that’s special, that’s thought, that’s effort.
Kim woke up, I made him coffee then we were off. For some reason I think the place is closer than it is. We left a little late and got there 10 minutes late, whoops. Got blood work done then head upstairs to see the NP. Kim went out to get bagels, mmmm cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese and jelly, try it. He was exiting the elevator when I was getting in to go up from blood work, phew. We went upstairs and went into the waiting room, it was pretty freakin’ packed. We sat down, Kim started reading his book and tears started to fall. Being there is just sad. I took some ativan because it’s just necessary before chemo. I got called in and saw the NP. We talked about the taxol and how I am feeling. I told her I have been feeling a little bit depressed. Not everyday all day but, sometimes getting out of bed is tough and one day I really just didn’t have interest in doing anything but I did. Those are signs, just FYI y’all. I told her I have a number for a support group I am going to call and maybe talking to someone would be good. This shit is hardddddd and whyyyyy and whattttt and wtfffffff and fuck you cancerrrrrr and I’m 28 for goodness sakeeeeeee and…. ya know, we can talk about all that, lol. I mean I am feeling better. That last AC treatment really freakin’ took me out. They say taxol is easier, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, I would keep going. I also asked her about potentially going away in May for a girls trip to celebrate chemo being over. She said, well, you need to have a consult with the surgeon, plastic surgeon, more testing done, meeting with gyno oncologist, so might not be a good idea because this all has to be done within a 4 week period because surgery will be planned exactly 4 weeks after to be as aggressive as possible. Sigh. Celebrations will just have to occur after everything I guess. They give you a 4 week period to recover from chemo but I am assuming longer than that will allow the cancer to start growing again. GET THAT SHIT OUT OF ME. I haven’t talked much about what the latter stages of this but, we will get there. I don’t think about it much, it’s going to be a different kind of tough. ANYWAY.
My hemoglobin and hematocrit are continuously starting to drop, from the chemo she says, and I also don’t eat red meat ever, and barely any dark greens however I have been lately. This is also why I probably get out of breath so easy because your red blood cells move oxygen throughout your body. NEED. MORE. OXYGEN. Kim said “red meat for dinner”. Went back into the waiting room and had the other half of my bagel. Got called in around, hmmmm maybe 12 pm? I am not sure. The chemo wasn’t ready. It is mixed right before you get it, it cannot sit for long. We didn’t start anything until maybe 12:45 pm, sigh. She hooked up the steroid then Rebeka and Drew arrived with food, yum, subs, drinks, chips, “fries” that were fresh made chips. Started eating some chips and then the nurse started the pepcid and meh, my stomach started to feel weird. She also said only one person could could be in the cubicle at a time. I miss NY. They have bigger, personal, sliding door suites, sigh. It was ok though, Kim and Drew went to the waiting room for a little then just stood outside the cubicle.
I needed to get 50 mg of benadryl because there is a risk of allergic reaction with the new chemo. Like, they kept telling me and telling me so it was kind of freaking me out. “If you feel something in your chest, itchiness, anything in your throat, tell me immediately, we will run in, turn the medication off and give you more stuff for the reaction”……….. oh. So the regular dose of benadryl is 25 mg and in pill form. When it’s IV and double the dose, BUH BYE, zzzZZzzzz. I tried to stay awake, Drew and Bek were there after all. Then the tears started coming. I am not sure exactly why. Maybe because I couldn’t keep my eyes open, maybe because everyone was freaking me out about this allergic reaction, maybe high doses of benadryl, I don’t know. I also think the feeling of pure fatigue just brings me back to the days after the AC treatment and it makes me saddddddddddd. I don’t know. Bek and Drew left and it was time to pass out. Lalkha, our regular nurse, started the herceptin. Kim was reading and watching the food network channel. I put my bose headphones on, watched a movie on my phone, for five seconds, pulled my hat over my eyes and passed out. It felt good. I woke up and it was time to start the taxol. There is more risk of allergic reaction with this so she actually stayed in the cubicle for 5 minutes to monitor and then if it were going to happen it would be within 15 minutes. I heard her and Kim whispering while my hat was over my eyes, probably about how it really might happen and it’s a decent risk. Awesome. Nothing happened though. I woke up eventually ready to eat. Bek brought me an italian sub with oil, vinegar and mayo. LIKE WOW IT WAS REALLY GOOD. I actually ate the entire thing, which I never do, hence I’m chubby, LOL. I joke and don’t joke when I say these things. Kim was then craving chocolate so he ran to 7-11 and got a lot of different stuff, options, options, options. I had Mike & Ikes, yum. It was then time for pertuzumab, another hour. Holy shit. It was all a loading dose, I don’t know why, to say, hey body, this shit is coming in hard get used to it? I don’t know. Things I forget to ask.
It was finally over at 5:30 pm. Of course I needed my lupron shot too. It hurt but whatever. We were out. Kim dropped me off then went off to Kings to get something for dinner. He got filet mignon and red potatoes to make these, they were pretty freakin’ amazing, and of course a salad, which was also kind of amazing. I ate that shit down real quick. The steak was pan seared perfectly, yummmmmm. Kim, there are no words for him. I was not tired at all, steroid. I eventually went up around 10:30 pm, watched some tv then Kim and I watched the latest Vanderpump Rules. WHY ARE KATIE AND TOM GETTING MARRIED, to the rest of you watching VPR. Then sleeps time.
February 15th, 2017. Wednesday. I decided to take off today because when I went in day after chemo last time, it was a rough week. This may be different but I will experiment next week. I feel good, fairly normal. Todays goals, blog, eat, APPLE WATCH. I made sautéed potatoes, onions, orange and red peppers and added two eggs and scrambled them. Surprising that I actually craved this but they did say the taxol does not effect (affect? I have no idea how to use effect and affect and no matter how many times anyone tells me, I still won’t know, I swear I have my master’s) your stomach as much. This is good, then maybe I won’t crave pure sugar all the time and I can lose these three pounds that I think is really ten pounds. Anywayyyyyy, I did some unexpected work, as always, and then some blogging. Kim woke up, made himself some coffee then I was craving some so he made me some in my “fuck cancer” mug. I can’t believe I am craving coffee, this is amazing. However, with something good comes something bad. The bottom of my feet are KILLING ME. I know they said this could be a side effect but they actually started hurting the day before my taxol treatment. Maybe from this one pair of boots that the soles are going? I don’t freakin’ know. It’s the balls of the feet and then later in the day my heels were kind of burning and just straight up painful to walk on, like when you’ve been walking allllllllll day in NYC with shitty shoes on, jeez. If it’s not one thing it’s another.
Anyway, after doing some work Kim and I went to the local booshie mall because it was the closest mall with an Apple store. Why do I want an Apple Watch? Well, let’s travel back in time. Little Kay Kay likes nice things, she used to love Coach bags, and even once had a pair of Coach shoes (what, why?). It’s true, I do like nice things, I invest in nice purses because they legit last forever and I don’t buy a new one for at least 5 years and I rotate them. It’s balance, I buy 95% of my clothes from TJmaxx and 75% of those clothe are on the clearance rack. In nutshell, sometimes I’m spoiled, the apple watch is a pure luxury because really NO ONE needs it but I have cancer so I think I deserve it. That’s prettyyyyyy much it. I have been wanting it for over a year, ask Hillary. I usually wait on stuff like this until I think about it and research it over and over again because like I’ve said before, I do not consider my savings account real money and I sometimes live like a cheap person, meh not cheap, I am monetarily very smart. I have multiple credit cards which people think is crazy but I just open them when they have good deals like, Wayfair, get $40 off when you spend a certain amount on first purchase then you only use it for Wayfair, or the TJmaxx credit card you get mad points then free TJmaxx money. You put everything on automatic pay and then, boom, your credit is amazing and it’s all good (as long as you always have money in your account, key step guys). Went to Apple, knew exactly what I wanted, bought it, boom. It’s pretty freakin’ cooooooooooool. Stopped at Rite-Aide on the way home to get some Dr. Scholl’s because my feet are hurttttttttttting. Wah, called the Dr. to see if there is anything I can do. They said we start slow and say keep your feet warm (I was icing them) and wear comfortable shoes. The ice actually helped so I am not sure what’s going on. I took some tylenol too. I need to get some, what are they, aerosoles? I remember seeing them in the mall but always thought, grandma shoes. Welp, just call me grandma Kay. This pain for three months, shit, bring back the nausea and exhaustion. Pain is just different. I am assuming they start slow because then they give you medication and if bad enough pain meds. I do notttttttttt want to go down that track. I’ll stuff cotton balls in my shoes or Kim can carry me around like he lifts my pants up to take pressure off when I walk up the stairs, lol.
Kim’s Aunt Cathy dropped out some food for us. Wait, let me rephrase that, she dropped off a FEAST; an 8 pound stuffed chicken, mashed potatoes, peas and gravy plus a CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER PIE. Holy crap. Thanks Aunt Cath!!! Thennnnnnn, our friend Jan dropped off some chicken chili!!!! Bek also brought chicken veggie soup from her mom (thank Mrs. Manara!!). We actually really needed food, the timing could not be better. We were going to stop at the store on the way home but my feet were hurting too badly and Kim had work to do.
We sat down to feast then it was back on the couch. I was feeling good. I didn’t make my miralax drink because a side effect they said could be the other direction. I went upstairs to continue to ice my feet. The pain, the pain. I was watching tv thinking, how will I function if this lasts 3 months, I won’t, this is crazy. Kim came upstairs then the tears started. “I can’t do this, how will I work?? I’d rather be tired. They said it would be better!!”. He rubbed my feet then gave me the usual kisses. It’s going to be ok, he said.