In total, 7 down (4 AC/3 taxol), 9 taxol to go.

February, 27, 2017. Monday. I woke up around 8 am, showered, sat down at my vanity and HELLOOOOO RED FACE. At first I am thinking, breaking out? They look like a bunch of pimples on my right and left cheeks, forehead and going down my neck a little on my right side. It all started on my right cheek. I was just like, wtfffff. It looked pretty bad. Kim got up and came into the room and gave me a look like, what the hell is wrong with your face. He said it looks like a rash. OHHHHHHHH. Even before I started chemo they said to look for changes in your skin, it is your largest organ after all. Kim is so smart. I never really wear too much face make up. I swipe some bare minerals foundation powder and then the ummm I forget what it’s called, the white powder, women, you know. Too lazy to get up and look. Mineral veil? ANYWAY. The point to all of this is to say I did a full face of liquid foundation, cover up, the whole sha-bang. I have learned everything from my girl Jaclyn Hill. Her youtube videos are addictingggggg and amazing. I also wanted to look fly for people I haven’t seen in months.

I needed to get to work by 9:15 am at the latest. One of my girls is on vacation and I am covering for her for three days. I worked at this building on and off during the summer because we could not get an RD to stick. I get attached to people, it was really nice to be back. I got them through state survey with no deficiencies so I think they got a little attached too. I had not been there since August. It is a closer commute which is also really nice, about 30 minutes. I left around 8:30 am, stopped at the local shop and got a Smart Water. I got in around 9:20 am, traffic, woof. I wore my red wig. I didn’t get any odd looks, I got a “you changed your hair color” … “yeah, went red, ya like it?”. Maybe some people knew, maybe not. The one person I thought would know wasn’t there, we will see at the end of the week. I got to werrrkkkkkkkk. Felt good all day. I didn’t bring lunch but brought a bunch of snacks; brought an almond croissant for breakfast with coffee, water, picked up a Naked drink. In morning meeting I found out it was taco dayyyyyyy. Omg yay. They made tacos for lunch for the staff for $5! I didn’t have any cash in my wallet, sigh. I was going to ask for an IOU but THEN I FOUND $35 IN MY BAG. When Pat, Meg and I went to the painting wine class, she paid me for purchasing her ticket and I placed it in my bag so I could find it later as a surprise for myself (does anyone else ever do that? Put $20 it in your winter jacket at the end of the season so when you put it on again next winter, SURPRISE). Anyway, I GOT MY TACOS and I noshed them down. Yum. I felt good. I wore some sassy heels, my feet were feeling good and again, I wanted to look like my fly self. I also brought my Grandma shoes which really aren’t Grandma shoes and I need to stop saying that. I put them on around 1 pm because my feet were swollen and it felt gooooood. They still looked cute with the outfit and they are soooo comfortable. I worked until 5:30 pm, feeling tired by the end of the day but a normal tired, not a cancer tired.

I called Kim on the way home saying we should make mac and cheese for dinner, so he said, “can we go to shoprite???”. The kid loves shoprite . He said one of his member’s wife at his golf course made us a full tray of lasagna but he still wanted to go to shoprite. We love going to shoprite together. When Kim moved in we started going together because we each like certain things and we each really like shoprite. Whenever we have to go without each other it is a pretty terrible experience, exaggeration, it just isn’t as fun. We sound crazy but, some things (most) are just better together. I picked Kim up and we went shopping. We walked in with no goal. “What are we doing here, what do we even need Kim??” … “I don’t know” … he embraced me, I put my arm around him “let’s just go for a walk” he said. Damn I love him.

Sometimes I really think he’s too good to be true. It’s like, we are growing into perfection. I don’t even believe in perfection, it’s not possible. How could I have met someone who I am genuinely meant to be with for a very long time/want to be with? Key – want. I’m this shocked because I really never thought I would meet someone who would like me this much and I would like this much because humans bother me sometimes and I probably bother them. Did I tell you I’m watching Girls? I never got into it, now I’m on season 5, yup. Currently Marnie is getting divorced from someone she knew she should not have married at 25, Hannah is on a road trip with someone she does not want to be with and is currently running around a park saying “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore and I don’t know how to tell you”. Worst. Nightmare.

Of course we ended up getting a lot of things. Got home. Warmed up some lasagna, it was delicioussssss. It had sausage, spinach, deliciousness. Hit the spot. We got two coconuts at shoprite. I just think they are fascinating. Kim opened one up perfectly, we split the juice, then took the skin off and chopped it up for snacking. Yum. It was time to go upstairs around, maybe 9 pm, no, I have no idea. Fell asleep around 11:30 pm. I was up past Kim! That hasn’t happened in probably a year. Chemo tomorrow, sigh, but bring it on.

February 28, 2017. Tuesday. Up at 7:15 am. Left the house at 7:30 am. Well tried to. Kim was driving, put the car in reverse and it wouldn’t go. Huh, what, why? Sometimes it does get stuck but never like this. Took five minutes off our time, we got it eventually. Got to chemo around 8:03 am. Kim dropped me off, blood drawn, went upstairs, checked in, finished my blog, posted. Name got called around 8:45 am. We were on a different side of the facility, kind of nice to change it up. Our nurse, I forget her name, sigh. Kind of just becoming an in and out type of thing, which I guess is good? Kim got bagels but I did not feel like eating it before. The NP came in to look at my face. I called her yesterday. She said it could be the steroid, but I told her I am taking much less compared to the AC treatment, she said, oh yeah that’s true. Then she asked the doctor. They really don’t know, it could be a reaction. My body is probably just like, fuck you chemo, I mean, I get it. Benadryl, hat over eyes. I don’t think I ever fell asleep. There was someone in the cubicle next to me on the phone, going through treatment, seeming to go through a hard time. Maybe she was just starting, I think she was younger than me, she wasn’t sure of what decisions to make, it was quite sad. I remember being back in that, IT WAS FUCKING TERRIBLE. It will all become a black forgotten hole by the end of this because your brain will block out horrible experiences. I am ok with it.

We were done by 10:45 am. Got in the car. I felt a little more alert than the last two times. I ate the bagel but I was still craving SUGARRRRR. I don’t event want to tell you this part. I made Kim go to the local fro-yo place, and I got the birthday cake yogurt WITH A LOT OF STUFF; M&M’s, kit kats, heath bar, chocolate chips, nutella and caramel. I wish I was kidding. I think it was the steroid and the fact that I didn’t eat before treatment, learning experience. I didn’t eat it all, but I ate a lot of it. Put it in the freezer. I went upstairs and got in bed. I fell asleep until about 3 pm, zzzzzZZzzzzz. Kim ran out the new local sub shop and got himself some lunch, chicken salad. It was prettttttty good. I had half, because, steroid? No because Kay doesn’t give a shit. Mom came  over, brought some mail (bills) and laid in bed with me for a while. I wasn’t hungry for dinner, obviously. I had a small snack around 9 pm, then bed.

March 1, 2017. Wednesday. Woke up around not sure. Felt good. Go to work around 9:45 am I think? I got through a good amount of work done, about 6-7 hours I think. Just going along, living life. Kim was working all day getting through his PGA work, eventually got a text, “100% done”, yahoooooo. Thought it would be a good night to make the mac and cheese. Got home, it was time to cook. We were making this. It is interesting, three ingredients, pasta, evaporated milk and cheddar cheese. It was so quick. We threw some fresh boiled broccoli in and paired it up with some grilled chicken, mine with garlic and onion powder, Kim’s with “seasoned salt”, I don’t know, but it was gooood. The mac and cheese wasn’t the best I have ever had but it was good. I would maybe try different cheese. I aways found that making a nice roux really made the mac and cheese but if you need something quick, it’s good. We had left over heavy cream in the fridge from make the bombe a few weeks ago so Kim made some homemade whipped cream and put it over strawberries, raspberries and blueberries for dessert. It was delicious. Kim was leaving for Hilton Head tomorrow morning so he was packing, sigh. Time for sleep.

March 2, 2017. Thursday. We needed to leave by 8 am to get Kim to the airport, sigh. I was up by 7:15 am, showered, again, I am showering a lot, props. Although I am really showering a lot because my skin is SO fucking dry and I need to exfoliate it to moisturize the hell out of it. Ugh. I am starting to feel the neuropathy in my fingers. Putting on my earrings was weird. Oh well. Got dressed, in the car, to Newark airport we go. There was some traffic but nothing crazy. Got there around 8:35 am, Kim’s flight was at 10:30 am. He hates being too early, sorry! I had to get to work anyway so it was perfect. Wah. I got to work around 9 am. I was on the United website monitoring Kim’s flight. Got the, “taking off, love you!” text around 10:20 am. I look back around 10:55 am and it said they were still taxiing, weird. Got at text around 11:30 am, “we are still on the runway!”. It was so windy that day they only had one runway open for take offs and landings, WOOOOOF. He finally arrived around 2:30 pm.

By 4 pm I was done. Kim made me a PB & Jelly on whole wheat english muffin, a little light on the PB honey, and then I just had snacks for the rest of the day, ittttttt wasn’t enough. I didn’t feel great. I left work at 4 pm, home by 4:30 pm and got in bed. I was starting to feel sad because Kim wasn’t there. Tears were forming and then I said to myself, GET IT TOGETHER YOU DEPENDENT FREAK. I tried to think of something that really annoyed me about him…………………………. there are clearly things, but I just wanted him there at this point. However, this one thing, when he runs up the stairs and I am in bed and he pretends to fall on me but catches himself before he actually falls, just to see my face looking scared. IT’S ANNOYING. Although I have beat it now, I don’t get scared, he’s over it. BAHA.

Mel and Bek were coming over for dinner and to help me clean. I was getting their orders for Pure Pita while laying in bed. We were all hungryyyyy. Their food is so good.  While Mel was picking it up Bek and I got to cleaning. We are funny. We bicker like a married couple. She was telling me what to do, FINE. “Wipe this down, wipe that down”, the girl loves to WIPE SHIT DOWN, and organize and move things, and, and, and. Sigh. She did most of it. The house looks good though. Mel got here around 6:45 pm. We ended up getting goat cheese salad, chicken platter with brown rice and corn, steak and mozzarella panini, sweet potato fries with feta cheese dip. Holy. It was really good. Then Bek wanted to clean more, BUT, I am sick. No, that’s bad, I could clean more, I just didn’t want to. She organized the kitchen more, made me throw stuff out, blah, blah. Don’t get me wrong, I am VERY appreciative, I just don’t notice things like she does and stuff just DOES NOT bother me like it bothers her. Like, if the pans aren’t perfectly aligned or the glass pyrex aren’t perfectly stacked, it just doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t know why, it just doesn’t. Kim and her are a lot alike. Kim wants to wipe things down, take the stove apart and soak shit, organize the food cabinet. Hence, we are together, because Kay just ain’t gonna do that. I sound like an unorganized hooligan. I am not. They just like it to be a bit more perfect than me. Ya wanna talk about work, I am an organized freak with work. To each their own. They stayed until about 10:30 pm and it was really nice. Girl time is nice and it’s reallyyyyyyyyyy important. Talked to Kim before bed, he is having a great time and I am so glad. If he’s happy, I’m happy. I passed outttttttttttttt. Night.

Don’t mind my rash, numbing cream & life.


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