Remember, your life isn’t THAT bad.

Remember, your life isn’t THAT bad.

March 6, 2017. Monday. I titled this blog this for multiple reasons as you will see along the way. Yesterday I got a text from my best friends saying “did you hear about our Drew??” I said um, no. Then got a long text, in a nut shell, he had a seizure on Friday night with no history of seizures, then had a grand mal seizure, then was released from the hospital and kept having minor seizures waiting for Monday to come so he could get an EEG done. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD, my little mind kept saying over and over and over and over. I called him immediately. He was in good spirits. I tried to hold back tears but my mind was just, sad. I am so over it. I’m losing faith in everything OTHER THAN SCIENCE AND MEDICINE. Sigh.

I woke up around 7:30 am. I was headed to Queens, NY today for work. We had a new RD starting so I had to go in and see what was going on, answer questions, audit, etc. I left around 3 pm and kept working when I got home. Kim wanted to make these pork slider things he saw online, I wasn’t really feeling it, but thennnnnn he made it. It was amazing. He pounded out some pork, ground up some pretzels, covered the pork then fried it. He made a homemade pineapple salsa and homemade spicy mayo with picks, YUMMM. It was literally one of the best things I had ever eaten. 

I was tired, I went to bed shortly after, because, chemo tomorrow. I almost look forward to chemo in some ways because I get the day off. However I don’t think I’ve had a chemo day in a few weeks that I haven’t signed in to work. Kind of sick. This treatment is much easier than the AC treatment. I work 5-6 days a week, mostly out, sometimes at home. The neuropathy is worsening a little in my left foot and hand. It feels weird. I drop earrings a decent amount while trying to put them in and drop my phone more often. Good thing it has a screen protector (which is already breaking).

March 7, 2017. Tuesday. Chemo day. Changing it up a bit, Beks was my partner. Kim is starting back at work slowly so he actually dropped me off and Bek met us there. She picked me up my bagel from a bagel place down near where my mom lives, mmmmm it’s goooooood. I got blood work done. Hillary and I were betting how much my WBC and hgb would have dropped this week. They both rose, weird.

Bek and I were waiting quite a bit before we got called in, maybe around 11 am, after blood work at 9:30 am. It was a long treatment day. Usually it’s just blood work, pre-meds;steroids, bendadryl, antiemetic, and then taxol and done. Every three weeks I will get all of that plus herceptin and perjeta. Don’t know why they are every three weeks but apparently they are straight up HER2+ killers. Bring them on. Pre-meds in, hat over eyes, sleepy. Woke up about 45 minutes to an hour later, Bek was doing work. I woke up, felt pretty good. Got on my laptop and was looking at a few things for work. Kim texted Bek asking how I was while I was asleeep. Bek asked how I got so lucky with him, my answer, “idk, I guess because I have cancer?”. But really, I deserve an amazing significant other, the least I could get (and I won’t take anything less because it’s what I deserve).

We left around 2 pm I think. There is a natural market right on the corner before you get on the street MSK is on. We stopped there and got smoothies, yum. Mine had spinach, banana, coconut water and some other good stuff. Organic. Ugh, we will talk about organic later, don’t have the mind power to talk about it now. Got a few things there. Got home around 2:45 pm, Kim was on his way home, he was stopping at Shoprite, he wanted to make a homemade bolognese. YUM.

I signed into work for two hours, Kim was making his bolognese. I’ve never made it. He was using his knife skills, he loves cutting shit up. He kept calling me over asking if it looked right, smelled right, sizzling right. He’s so cute. It was around 5:30 pm and he said his mom would love it. I told him to text them to come for dinner, and they did. Pat brought over a salad to go with the sauce and pappardelle pasta, lovvveeee it. It was sooooooo good. 

We then walked to get fro-yo and met Meg and Sam. I wasn’t really feeling it but I wanted to go along with the fam. Went there, sat for probably 45 minutes and chatted and then we were walking back around 8 pm. We were about 3 blocks from home when my stomach started…….. hurting. Thoughts – no, I am ok, it will be ok…… OMG, no, no, you can do this, clench your butt, you’re fine….. omg I am going to poop my pants…… Kim, give me the keys, why, my stomach hurts, I can walk faster with you, NO, keys, now. I honestly barely remember the walk home because I was trying to not shit myself, vulgar, but true. At one point I saw a person’s garbage can on the curb and thought, just go in there, it’s fine. Then another point I thought, you’re just gonna poop yourself, accept it now. I was clenching my butt cheeks together soooooo hard. I got to the stairs, to the door, got in the house, jacket off, on the toilet….. you know what happened next. It was crazy. It is from the chemo. I have stomach issues for usually one day after or day of. I was still on the toilet when they got back. Kim and Pat were leaving while I was in the bathroom, “BYEEE LOVE YAAAAA”. Listen, chemo. It happened a few more times that night. Good colon cleanse though, ya know. Damn, good night.

March 8, 2017. Wednesday. We picked up a new building in Poughkeepsie, NY so until we fill it with a permanent RD, I need to be there. It is an hour and a half away, it’s far but the drive is beautiful and nice. I don’t mind it. I was excited, I haven’t opened a new building for us in a while, it’s cool meeting new people, learning how EVERYONE does everything different and just doing what I do. I am learning so much. They were so welcoming and offered me coffee and donuts, hi, wanna be best friends? I immediately got to work. I denied the donuts btw, but grabbed that coffee real hard. Everything was pretty much up to date so it was just keeping up with the work. I stayed until 6 pm, hello good work day. I called mom, dad and Kim on the way home, it is a long ride after all. I e-mailed my dad around 3 pm and he hadn’t answered so I called him. He is alive. I called Kim, he was preparing dinner, like the little saint he is. I told him I wanted something light, because my face looks swollen for no reason other than human overconsumption of food. I got home, my salad with grilled chicken, carrots and pomegranates was sitting on the table. Yumz. Thankful after working and traveling all day to come home to that. Night.

March 9, 2017. Thursday. I was up, I am not sure when. I got into work between 9-10 am maybe, potentially earlier. Idk. Work, work, work. Got a text from Kim, he was meeting our friend in the hospital (the one getting seizures). He was admitted the other day to a hospital with a neuroscience wing, which is really good. He found  out he is getting brain surgery tomorrow to remove a lesion. WTFFFFFFFFFF. I wanted to see him before surgery. I left at 3 pm and got to the hospital around 4 pm.

“Geez Drew, a girl can’t even get cancer and get a little attention without you needing brain surgery”, lolz. It’s funny. We have some pretty dry humor. But really. LOL, JK. I walked in and Kim, his twin brothers and their friend were there. I took his hand and gave him a kiss. No words. The boys were watching basketball and kept saying it was the perfect weekend to be held up in bed. We stayed until about 5:30 pm, the boys left and we just went over everything that was happening.  A little back story, Kim and Drew lived together for two years in Morristown, so we kind of lived together too. He has been having shoulder issues for the last TWO YEARS. Numbness, shaking, etc. He has been to 30 doctors, no one knew what was wrong. He started going to PT recently and it really has been helping. He has kept all his medical records and had them ready for the doctors when he had his seizures, really impressive and really amazing. I tried to go in there not talking about myself but every once and a while it was important for me to say, I know what you’re going through, you will never find a reason why no matter how much you think about it and it happened for a reason, it will be fixed and you will move on and nothing will ever be the same in a good way. He agreed.

I had not eaten enough that day. I had some goldfish when I got to the hospital however I was emotional and cranky, end quote Kim. I threw a pop tart in my lunchbox (thanks Jess!) and Kim and I split it, my blood sugar was seriously low. We were driving by restaurants saying, should we eat there? there? there? Then two minutes later we got a text from Meg and Sam saying, meet for dinner? Yes honey, perfect timing. We met for dinner and it was great. I got the same thing I got last time, honey mustard grilled chicken sandwich. Yum, I ate half and brought half home. We got dessert, all of us, different desserts, no. Ugh. We got home, I was full and ready for beddy. I forgot to take my leftovers out of my bag and texted Kim asking him to put it in the fridge, he said sure……… I found it the next day, still in the bag, “I was in a perfect position”. I wasn’t even mad cuz I get it. Sleeps.

March 10, 2017. Friday. We were getting some snow, nothing crazy, but working at home was the best bet. I woke up around 8 am, telling myself I would sign in around 9 am. I wanted to make corn muffins so I did that before. I used the Jiff box but added melted butter to make it more moist. It worked, however I melted it in the microwave and added it and I think it started cooking the eggs too quick, sigh. I put them in the oven and they baked quickly, too quick. They were a little crisp, but not really, just brown, not burnt at all. They did get stuck to the pan. Ugh. I did scrape them out and put them in a dish and just ate them as crumbles with breakfast. Anyway, signed into work, work, work work. I finished up around  3 pm. Working at home is good but I don’t think I could do it everyday. I like to be around people, sometimes, at work, lol. I also need a reason to get out of pajamas and my robe and put some make up on. My eyebrows an eyelashes are starting to thin out. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am going to be super bald and it’s awkward. I have been filling in my eyebrows, I mean I did it once, I am lazy. But, I won’t draw them in when they are gone completely?? Will I? Ugh I need to YouTube it. My eyelashes, idk what I will do with that. I don’t think you can get the fake ones put on because they usually attach to your own eyelashes?? If anyone knows, please help me. I just feel like I am going to look so weird without those things. Wah. Anyway, Kim came home. What did we do. Oh, we made pizza for dinner. I made fresh tomato, mozzarella, ricotta and basil, simple and delicious. We have a basil and parsley plant now, that fresh stuff is goooooood. Kim made a sausage and pepper pie, yum. They were both really good. Mine was a little bit burnt on the bottom but still good. 

We were going to watch Dr. Strange, but per usual, we hung on the couch, were talking and then Kim got sucked into the Dan Bilzerian interview with Larry King, google it. We then watched the second half of American Psycho, good movie, I think it is on Netflix. It was around 10 pm at this point, time for Kay to go to sleep.

March 11, 2017. Saturday. Woke up around 8:30 am. I was watching my friends dog for the day/night. They had the St. Patty’s Day parade where we lived. People come from all over, the young-in’s like to drankkkkkk. We had a party or two along the way, it is fun, I just can’t keep up these days, oh and I have cancer so, ya know. Jan’s husband dropped off Havana around 9 am. Havanaaaaaaaaaa.

She’s a great dog. She’s a therapy dog, her and Jan go to our local hospital basically every weekend to make people feel good. It’s pretty amazing. We just hung all day. A few friends were up for the parade and made visits throughout the day. I was doing laundry, writing thank you notes (I SWEAR YOU WILL GET THEM, in the future, maybe not close, but sometime, hehe). I was watching the food network. The Pioneer Woman was making Shepherd’s Pie and Pat and I were both watching/texting about it and how we needed to make it. Havana and I went for a long walk. It was COOOOOOOOLD. In the sun it was ok, but still, ouch. What I don’t miss about having a dog, however now that I am responsible for one, I don’t think I took Bailey, have we talked about Bailey, for a walk, like ever. Bailey was dad’s best friend and my little puppy baby. She was the best dog in the world, I know everyone says that but really, ask anyone in our town. She came to ALL soccer games, went to the park everyday with mom, was never on a leash (unless the cops saw dad and warned him). We didn’t have a fence and let her out of the house every single day with no shock collar or anything. She would literally lay outside in the front yard in the sun and I would shower with no one else home and she would just be ok, she was human. She was truly the best dog ever. Sometimes I have feelings about her and feel like she’s with me and just feel like saying, “where’s my puppy doggggggg” as I did before. Sigh. The feeling when she died was one so bad I would consider never having a dog again. It sounds silly, only if you’ve never had a dog.

Picture courtesy of Nate, gosh I miss that face. 

Kim came home from work around 4 pm. I was watching Burnt, what a great movie. We finished that then Kim’s Aunt Allison and Uncle Dave were at the local steakhouse. Kim walked over there for a beer and appetizers. I could have gone but just wanted to stay home with the pup. Oh and I showered, put some form fitting workout clothes on (lol stretch), my wig and some make up. I needed to get myself together. Kim came home around 5:30 pm. He said there were so many people out on the main street wasted, falling over and sitting on the sidewalk. Ahhhhh, the crazy days. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure there will be a few more times in my life I will be wasted, maybe in a little celebration when this bullshit is over. Kim wanted to watch sports. Havana and I hung down there with him for a while, after a bit it gets old. 

I wanted to watch the new Amy Schumer leather special, lol, on Netflix but I still wanted to be on the couch with Kim. I took out my Bose wireless headphones and put them on and started watching it on my phone. Eventually Havana and I went upstairs to finish it. I set up a blanket on the floor for Havana to sleep on, she was ready. I thought her special was funny, until she talked about gun control, it definitely got a little weird then. Kim came up, then it was time for sleeps.

Just remember, I understand everything is relative when it comes to sickness and life. I don’t mean to say your life is sooooo easy because you’re not sick. However, take a step back and maybe look at your life. Are there things YOU can take control of and fix? Drew and I are in positions where horrible chemo and major surgery are the only options. Your options are easier, I swear.  


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