An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.

An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.

April 8, 2017. Saturday. I woke up around 8 am. I slept for about 9.5 hours and I neeeeeeeded it. Felt good. I laid in bed for a while and then Kim was up. I wanted to get out of bed but it was a little cold and snuggling is amazing and I have not just laid in bed for a while. It was really nice. Kim was getting ready for work. I was going to go to the gym for the first time but my day was packed and I really needed to blog (oh, hi!). I got up, made myself some coffee and got back in bed. Blog, relax, coffee, a dream morning for myself. I can’t wait to have a house of our own. Our house is pretty great. It is a three story townhouse with a full basement, not finished but has a washer and dryer and plenty of room for storage. However, it’s not ours. Our future house will have an amazing kitchen and AT LEAST one fire place. One of my goals in life is to have a fire place in my bedroom, it will happen. I am not sure where my obsession with fireplaces comes from. My parents have one of course and cold Sundays consisted of laying in front of the wood burning fireplace, drying my hair with the heat and watching football. It makes my heart warm. Other things that make my heart warm; coffee, the act of drinking coffee, early mornings and inner peace.

I was meeting my Aunt Noreen, dad’s sister, for lunch and shopping at our local mall. We were shopping for my Louis Vuitton scarf. I think I said way back that I always said to myself, if I get cancer (like I knew I would), I would get a Louis Vuitton scarf to wrap around my head. Why? Because there will always be a small part of young Katie, yes, I was called Katie with a K until I went to college, that is boujee and wants nice things. I also have cancer so think I deserve it, an excuse that will live on forever. We stopped a the LV store, pretty fabulous. I was looking for the classic brown and gold scarf. They had just a few. One was white, gold and black, another colorful one. I was trying them on over my red wig but I wanted to see what it looked like just on my head. My aunt asked if we could go in the back and try it on because I am wearing a wig. She said of course (obviously), and we went back to the “salon”. Aye carumba, a salon. To the salon we went. Wig off, multiple scarves on and off. I liked them both but the brown is classic. We were going to look at other places before choosing one. We went to Chanel and Dior before going to Neiman Marcus to see if they had any other LV scarves. They had the one’s we saw and then another one that was really cute and I liked but, I put the classic one back on and, boom, that was the one. I took a deep breath and said, “okayyyy” … then Aunt Noreen pulled out her Neiman Marcus card. No wayyyyyyyyy. Big hug and, “I’ve got lunch!!”. She’s a great aunt and God mother.

We walked around a bit more and then went to a place called Legal Seafood for lunch. It was so good. I got a rice bowl with tuna sashimi, seaweed, spinach, mushrooms and kimchi. Soooo good. I love the simplicity of a rice bowl and one ingredient things put together. I always say to people when they ask me what to eat, eat simply, one ingredient things, simple, simple, simple. But, brb, gonna go eat this burger, LOL. Bad dietitian.

It was perfect timing, I had an appointment with my psychologist at 2 pm. I went back home, dropped off my stuff, bathroom and then was out. My psychologist is a 4 minute walk from the house. I liked him. I think the first time is a little overwhelming for the person, especially when I tell him everything that is going on with me. I told him I don’t really want to talk about my cancer. I am 28, I have cancer, they are confident they are going to “cure” me. I need to work on coping with anxiety, overthinking and defeating my laziness. I can be a lazy person, as we have spoken about, shoes in the family room (I am trying to get better), my closet room is usually a mess unless Kim or Rebeka cleans it for me and I could lay in bed for a longggggggg time. I need to work on it. I am going to work on it. We all have our vices don’t we? What’s yours?

I had a 1 pm appointment for my eyelashes that I pushed back to 5 pm. I got out of therapy at 3 pm and then was off to eyelashes around 4:30 pm. Busy Saturday, felt good. I mean, I literally have maybe 10 eyelashes on each side but I had this appointment booked. I went and usually they fill them but she just took them off and put a fresh set on, it was nice of her. I went out and told them I wanted to freeze my membership. “I don’t want to drop a bomb on you right now, but I have cancer and I am getting chemo and it’s just not worth it to keep getting them filled”. I guess I didn’t need to say that, but I legit have minimal eyelashes and this was my second visit. You can also usually tell when people can handle it and this woman could. She actually ended up charging me for a “touch up” because it was less than 30 minutes and froze my account prior to being charged for the month which was really nice. Did I play the cancer card? Maybe, no regrets.

I got a text while getting my lashes done from Kim, “want to dinner with my coworker at 7 pm”. Sure. I actually did want to go out, I was feeling good. I was thinking of having a drink but I wanted to get shit done tomorrow and one drink could ruin that. I got home at 5:30 pm. I was wearing this sweater I have that has the shoulders cut out, because it’s in this season, like hello Kim. He HATES the sweater. It’s also a turtleneck so he doesn’t get it, lol. TJ maxx, on sale, it’s cute, people like it. Actually, someone complemented it at the mall today. I have a little bit of weird style, not really though, Kim makes it seem like it but he has the classic golf style, he dresses well, I’ve got some spunk in my trunk, lol.

We went out, I was trying to be healthy all day. I had a peanut butter, banana and honey on whole wheat toast for breakfast, the rice bowl for lunch and then I had a kale salad with oranges, almonds, cranberries and shrimp (after having some bread) and then of course we had to get dessert, chocolate salted caramel cake, aye carumba. CJ and Madeline got red velvet waffles with ice cream, IT WAS PRETTY GOOD. I was ready for beddy when we got home.

April 9, 2017. Sunday. Today was the day. Today was the day I was going to leave the house and perform usual duties with a baseball cap on and a bald head underneath. I woke up, nervous, excited, a little anxious. I found my Rutgers hat at mom’s. Woke up, had some coffee, didn’t really want to get out of bed but was meeting the girls for brunch at 11 am. I got up around 9 am, put my sassy Athleta outfit on and put my hat on and was off (after maybe pacing around the house a bit). I was out the door, with just a hat and a bald head you could see underneath. Holy crap.

I called mom, “I’m going to the gym with my hat and a bald head omg”. I called Kim, no answer. I called dad, “I’m going to the gym with just a hat on” … “well I think you should at least wear a bra and underwear too!”, LOL DAD STOP. Kim called me back, “what’s up?” … “I’m going to the gym with just a hat on and I need you to tell me it is going to be ok” … “it’s going to be fine” … “ok” … “we are really busy, I thought you would be crying or something” … “ok, bye!”. He was busy, it was a really nice day on Sunday and 40 people wanted to start playing at the same time. I shouldn’t have called him. When I call him at work it is usually bad news and I should have realized that. I think Kim is scarred from my crying phone calls, crying in bed, crying, crying, crying. I would be too if I were him. Have you ever tried really hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes? If I got calls from Kim crying at work, came home to him crying multiple times and heard bad news a lot, shit, I would be the same way. It’s hard though, he’s my person, he say’s it’s going to be ok, then it’s going to be ok. This too shall pass, this too shall pass, THISS TOO SHALL PASS.

Okay, I went to the gym. Actually, I haven’t been there in over 4 months but it’s $10 a month so, yeah. It moved locations, bah. It is five more minutes down the road. I was annoyed at first but it is quite the upgrade. More machines, better locker room, quite nice. I walked in, trying not to make eye contact with anyone and just going about my business. I got on the elliptical, felt good, stretched, then did some lifting. I felt good, I felt accomplished, I felt like I faced a fear, jumped a hurdle, got over something. Try it.

I left, stopped home and was meeting Rebeka, Melanie and Nicole at Cheesecake Factory for brunch. Their Sunday brunch is life. Melanie got there first, got a table outside, it was so nice out. We were talking about our trip to Fort Lauderdale. It is officially booked and we are all so excited. I think everyone needs a break and a little celebration of life. When we were sitting there talking, a man came up to us asking if I was wearing a Hillsborough hat, a local town of ours, I said no, Rutgers with smile on my face. Melanie and I both thought he was going to ask me about my bald head, he didn’t, PHEW. I would have been okay I think, but not on the first day, please. Melanie and I split lemon ricotta pancakes and an omelet. Hello deliciousness. Bek and I then went into the mall, I needed a few things. I then stopped over at mom’s. We all sat outside a while longer. I GOT BURNT. My chest and my chin. Aye carumba Kay. After a while, I wasn’t feeling too well. I got on the couch, cuddled up and fell asleep for about a half hour. Working out for the first time in a few months, the sun, walking around the mall….. oh and chemo and cancer will do that to you.

I got home around 5:30 pm, took a shower, threw some laundry in, got in bed and was relaxing. Laundry in the dryer, laundry folded and put away. ACCOMPLISHMENT. I think I’ve said this before, ugh I don’t like laundry and it’s literally hard for me to finish it all in one round. Hey, baby steps. I also cleaned our room. No stopppppp, I did. Endorphins are a real thing. I was sleepy though, it feels good to be tired from a long day. Time for sleep, trying to get up earlier these days and be more accomplished during the day, alarm set for 6 am.

April 10, 2017. Monday. Alarm goes off at 6 am. Snooze, snooze, snooze, snooze. Whoopsies. Up at around 7 am. Out of the house around 7:30 am, to work at 8:23 am, specific. Lots of work to do, covering for someone as well as doing my work. More work is better for me, fill the day, keep my mind busy. Worked until 4:30 pm then was outttt of there. I wore flats I haven’t worn in a while and ouchies, blisters, and my feet were swelling from the heat I think. I was on my way home, called mom then Kim. Pat picked up, Kim was over there, for one split second, UHHHHHH WHO IS THIS WOMAN, lol Patty. Kim called me back, he wanted to know if I wanted to get dinner with Pat tonight in town. Yes, gorgeous out.

Got home and had a large package on the kitchen table. It was from Wally, it is a dog who sends out free care packages to cancer patients (ok maybe a human is involved). It was anonymous (thanks Mrs. Colonel!!). Hehe. Such a cute idea. Pat came over at 6 pm, we then walked down to restaurant we haven’t been to in a while. Italian. We sat outside. It was fabulous. Got stuffed rigatoni with shrimp and artichoke in a pink sauce, I have gotten it before, even better than I remember. We stopped and got fro-yo on the way home. We were home by around 8 pm. Up the stairs and time for Vanderpump Rules round 2 reunion. It was better than the first one, one more to go. Then, Sweet Home Oklahoma was on, have you seen it?? Two words, Tubbers and Pumps, you need to watch it, it’s on Bravo obviously. Sleep time, chemo tomorrow.


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