Testing, testing; that’s what my future looks like.

Testing, testing; that’s what my future looks like.

April 17, 2017. Monday. Ugh, today 4 of my other girlfriends and I started a weight loss challenge for the Cancerlorette trip in May. Honestly, I need to get my shit together. I started chemo at 158 and now I am 162. It is NOT BAD, however I think it’s something more like 164/166 because I think a lot of it is dehydration because my belly fat is just, there’s just more, there is. I also have been eating like shit because “I have cancer”. I need to stop with that, unless it helps me get free things, duh. Okay, my starting weight is 162.4 for this challenge. Not terrible, I will take it. We are each betting $20, so the winner can get $100, and buy me so many piña coladas in Florida. We are doing it by percentage of weight loss because our weights are ranging and that’s the fair way to do it. We are using the My Fitness Pal app and posting the picture of our scale each Monday as proof and we are all actually using the food diary. I think we have all used it before and it really does show you what the hell you are eating and it is shocking how many calories are in stuff. Sigh.

Anyway, weight taken, time to start the day. I was up pretty early as I think I went to bed pretty early last night. I have really been inspired to reach 10,000 steps everyday, it tires me out a lot, I have been sleeping really well and it’s good for the psyche. I packed lunch last night I think? What did I have, ummmm, I think peanut butter and jelly on rice cakes (which sounds so diet-y, but it’s just really good and crunchy and low calorie), yogurt, banana, other good stuff. I got to work by around 8:15 am and was working, working, workin’, out by 4:15 pm. Kim was off today, he is off on Mondays, one day a week, wah. He took his final level 1 test for PGA stuff and passed, woo hoo! Kim was out somewhere, honey, where were you? Maybe hitting some golf balls. He had to drop something off then was on his way home. I wanted to go out for my walk right away but sat down and waited to see if he wanted to come. I got home, changed and was ready to go. Kim was procrastinating looking for his passing score online so I walked out the door without him and said SEE YA! Can’t wait around for people guys, LIVE YO LIFE. He opened the door, “I’M COMING!!”. We were off. We take different routes around town, see all the beautiful houses and talk about what we like about each and dislike, kind of like we are researching for our future house. I love old houses with charm, character and some history but with updated things, obviously. Kim doesn’t want anything too old, “there will be problems”. True, I don’t disagree. One day we will find a house that we both love and it will be magical.

We were at about 7,000 steps when we got back to the house and Kim was ready to call it quits. I wanted to keep going. “Why honey???” … “I need my steps!”. He hates when I go alone. He thinks I am an accident waiting to happen and I will fall, break something, get hit by a car (he has his reasons). I said “I’ll be fine!!”. So I walk around the block a few more times and get to 9,100 steps. I called it quits as I know I can get 900 more just around the house the rest of the night. I was hungry. Kim was eating leftover tacos and I made a large batch of tuna for a tuna melt/salad, I love tuna melts y’all. I always thought they were gross because like, warm tuna, ew, but shit is gooooooood. I always put too much tuna on though, wah. Ate, shower, bed. Reached my goal of 10,000 steps. So tired from walking, love it. Chemo tomorrow, the usual Monday night things.

April 18, 2017. Tuesday. The official countdown begins, 3 to go. Holy shit. I never really thought this would end when I started. You aren’t able to see the end, you see — CCCCCHHHHHEEEEEMMMMOOOOOOO. My life is chemo. Now, 3 to go. Holy shit. I didn’t have to be in until 9:50 am this time, that was nice, because it is a long day. I woke up around, I am not sure when. Kim was out of the house, kiss on the forehead barely awake at 7 am. I think I woke up at 8 am. Cathy, Hillary’s mama, my future, Aunt in law? Yeah, I guess so right. So many family members. Kim’s dad has a brother, Pete (hey Peter!), whose daughter is Hillary, my best friend, and whose wife is Cathy. So yes, Cathy will by my Aunt in law. I have actually known Cathy for longer than I have known Kim and one day we will have the same last name, weird how the world works. Anyway, off on a tangent, we could talk about that family tree forever.

Cathy was at the door at 9:30 am sharp. I was in my sneakers, black leggings, red and white Ocean City, NJ shirt and Rutgers hat, oh, and rash on my face. I think I look like a cutie patooty in my Rutgers hat and a bald head (don’t mind if I do love myself a little too much, it’s a problem in our household). We were off. We got in at 9:50 am, blood in 5 minutes. They placed my port downstairs in the blood area which they don’t usually do. It was fine except I got some blood on my shirt, annoying, and now that I think about it I hope it comes out. We went up to check in to see the doctor and Cathy goes, “okay, now what??” … “BAGEL TIME” I said, she was ready! She’s so cute. She got me my usual cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese from Bagels-4-U, best place. I think I talk about bagels too much. I was a few bites in and it was time to see the doctor, that was quick. Poor Cath, kept cutting her off with blood time, then doctor time, it’s crazy. Took my half of a bagel and headed into the doctors office. The nurse came in right away, bagel shoved in mouth, lolz. No shits to give. I checked off that I had a rash on the paper I filled out, she said where? I pointed to my face. About 2-3 days after chemo I get a bunch of white heads on my nose and on the left side of my face. The one’s on my nose are kind of painful. I don’t know if they are pimples or a rash, I don’t knowwwww. No one is concerned about it, ha. Then when I get benadryl in my IV, it goes away, weird and that’s why it makes me think it is some type of reaction.

So we reviewed some things, nothing big. Then she left and the doctor came in, Ms. (Dr.) Mila Gorsky. She’s cute. We reviewed a few things, like, WHAT IS NEXT, HUH, HUH, HUH????? Sadly, as the beginning was, it’s going to start to slow down again and it will be step by step. Sigh. Okay. You will find out what I know soon (down a bit). She checked everything out. Said I am looking good. I told her about my Cancerlorette trip (which actually interferes with a herceptin treatment and I was like OH SHIT and she said, no, it’s fine, it’s not a big deal we can change it, do not worry about whatever you are worrying about, phew). She said she wants to see pictures, I told her I am going to have my boobs out (not literally) majority of the time because it will be the last trip with them, she laughed and said, “and a lot of make up and big earrings too I hope” … yes ma’am.

Okay, done with the doctor now back out to the waiting room. Pat, Kim’s mom arrived. She was at the dentist. She had a bunny shaped container full of ferrero rocher chocolate from Easter, so cute. We were called into chemo about 20 minutes later. We were in suite 10, I believe the first suite I was ever in. Cath was fascinated by the entire thing, so cute. Asking the nurse questions. I think her name was Stacy or Sylvia, eek, chemo brain. I was already all hooked up so IV fluids started, pepcid, steroid and benadryl. Nighty night. I got my blanket on, hat over face and then the herceptin was started, pertuzamab and taxol. It was my last long treatment, when usually I just get taxol.

I woke up after, I am not sure, an hour maybe? It was time for the other half of my bagel. Yumz. Love eating after the steroid, it’s just very satisfying. Then, it was over. TWO MORE, HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTT. I am cursing a lot, sorry. I had to pee baddddd, a lot of IV fluids. We were off. Cath dropped me off and I actually stayed up, didn’t get in bed, just laid on the couch, well I did nap after all huh? Pat brought some fruit salad, I noshed on that after chemo, sooooo refreshing. I just hung on the couch and relaxed. I didn’t wear my apple watch today. I would have been too tempted to walk after chemo “feeling good” on steroid and then been sick the next day.

Kim was on his way home from work and I was craving sushi. At first, I was thinking maybe it would be a bad idea to eat sushi on chemo day but, heck, I did it anyway. I ordered a spicy tuna, spicy salmon and peanut/avocado roll (try it), plus an avocado salad. I really went all out. All I had was a bagel and fruit today guys! Anyway, usually when I order that much sushi I leave a few pieces behind, not today y’all, not today. It was quiteeeeee good. Yum.

As I stated earlier, I will be getting more herceptin treatments. I will be getting hercpetin every three weeks, just as I do chemo through my port, for one year. Damn, sounds kind of crazy doesn’t it? I end my chemo on May 2 and then go back May 9 for herceptin, lol, never ends. Herceptin isn’t chemo though, my hair will grow back and everything. Actually here is my schedule for the next few weeks …

April 24 – Monday – genetic counseling and blood test – I tested negative for BRCA2 (which we will be retesting, because, ya know, but I will also be testing for BRCA1 and I think a boatload of other genetic tests for cancer. They counsel you because well, if I am BRCA1 positive, I will have to make a decision if I want to remove my ovaries or monitor closely because of the high risk of ovarian cancer connected to BRCA1. Let’s just say waking up every morning fearing I have cancer in my ovaries probably won’t happen, but we will see what the counselor says).

April 25 – Tuesday – chemo with Melanie (taxol, short, done by 10:45 am)(then maybe some Roots Steakhouse lunch special with Melanie for Morristown restaurant week, NOTHINGS GOING TO KEEP KAY FROM RESTAURANT WEEK).

April 28 – Friday – New meeting with gynecology oncologist, oh yeah because remember, I have that 3 inch large tumor next to my right ovary that they couldn’t identify that they think is a dermoid cyst because it didn’t glow when I had my PET scan, but just to be safe. FML. I will be going to happy hour after that one, thank you very much.

May 2 – Tuesday – MY LAST FUCKING CHEMO TREATMENT, HOLY SHIT. Now, I mean, I should have asked the doctor. I am assuming, after this chemo, then surgery, the goal is the cancer is gone (obviously) and I am NED (no evidence of disease) and no chemo. But what if it’s not? Let’s just go with the fact it will be gone. Anyway, Kim and dad will be coming with me to my last chemo. Dad and I started this together, we are going to end it together, and well Kim, of course he wants to be there, BECAUSE HE IS AN ANGEL. I can’t even tell you the feelings of joy I think I will feel, the tears, the happiness, the weirdness, the, holy shit it’s over? I can’t.

May 4 – Thursday – Surgical consult. I met with the surgeon when this first started. She recommended, right from the start, a single radical mastectomy because the cancer has affected a majority of my breast and a few of my lymph nodes (we don’t know how many exactly), so, those shits GOT. TO. GO. I am assuming because the reoccurrence rate, say if you didn’t take anything off/out, that shit would come back real quick. I am not positive though. Now, after the genetic testing, if I am positive for a gene that gives me a high risk for breast cancer, which would clearly make sense, then I will be removing my other breast as prevention, but 99.9999% chance I will be removing both because, well, I don’t want to have one saggy boob and one perky boob? Am I right though? At least I will be evenly boobless with new boobs? I don’t know. We really need to talk to the plastic surgeon as well.

May 9 – Tuesday – herceptin. Again, I will be getting herceptin every three weeks for a year. I am lucky I am HER2+ because they have a good treatment for it however it is considered an aggressive cancer. Can’t win them all can you?

From here, I don’t know where we go.



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