June 3, 2017. Friday. It was my last day of work before taking off for a month or so for surgery. Did you know I didn’t take off for one entire week during this whole thing? I mean there were weeks where I worked two days in the office then two days at home but nope, never took an entire week off. I’m sorry but I think that’s a little impressive. I won’t lie, I’m kind of looking forward to a little break. It does suck that’s it’s going to be after major surgery but, I’ll take what I can get. It has been quite a journey, as you all know, and I’m tired. I’m really, really tired and I’m ready for a break. I worked for about 10 hours, I wanted to make sure everything was in order for those covering for me. I left around 7 pm. Kim was working late and wasn’t going to be home until about 8:30 pm. I was pretty hungry and was going to order some Thai food but rummaged through the freezer and found some cauliflower rice and spanakopita. Mixed it with some brown rice and Thai chili sauce, YUM. Caught up on some bravo shows, real housewives of Potomac to be exact. Kim cane home, I heated him up some dinner then it was time for bed.
June 4, 2017. Saturday. Slept in until about 10 am, well stayed in bed until then. I woke up to make some coffee but was so hungry I decided to make some banana pancakes. I got my laundry started then got on the couch. I had quite a list of things I wanted to get done this weekend however with my surgery coming up, my anxiety sure was kicking in. I’m happy I got the laundry going. Kim came home around 5:30 pm. We went out for a little datey date. I wanted a cocktail since it would be my last for a while. We went out to a local restaurant. Kim knows the manager quite well. Before he came up to say hi we were talking about babies. Kim and I go back and forth, want kids, but want to travel, have money, have minimal responsibility. Then a baby sits down near us and Kim says, “oh he’s cute”. WE WILL FIGURE IT OUT ONE DAY. I’m just not worried about it and I think we will be on the same page with it, that’s what everyone hopes right? I wanted to go out for another drink, Kim was tired. Meh, I won’t fight you, he had work at 5 am the next day, and also, sleep is fun. Kim took a shower and I, for some reason, looked at post mastectomy pictures. I think it was necessary and healthy but also hard on the brain. I looked, they weren’t too bad. Then the pictures came up that were RIGHT after surgery. Holy crap. Scary. Scars. Blood. Omg. I started crying. The anxiety was really kicking in. THIS SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I hid the tears from Kim. Turned the lights off before he came in and just concentrated on the movie I was watching, Interstellar, I recommend it, actually did keep my mind off things. I finished the entire thing, it was 3 hours long, this never happens. Anxiety. Ok, sleep.
June 4, 2017. Sunday. Today was a tough day. I woke up with tears starting. The surgery really was looming. I really had to peel myself out of bed, sigh. I stopped to get some food before heading to moms. My stomach was hurting and I just didn’t want to eat anything but I got something because I figured I needed protein and nutrients prior to surgery. OK IT WAS WENDY’S. Twist my arm why don’t ya. Cheeseburger, fries, coke, oye. Ate a few bites on my way to moms. Got in the house and broke down in tears, “I don’t want to do surgery, honestly I don’t care about surgery, I don’t want to lose my boobs!”. Sandwhich and fries thrown in the garbage, my stomach hurt too much. Mom and I got in her bed and watched some tv. Afternoon snuggles.
I was on my way home around 3:30 pm, Kim was coming home soon too. I wasn’t sure what was for dinner and I honestly didn’t feel like thinking about it. My thoughts were all about surgery. I did however think about this cocktail we saw on Bobby Flay’s cooking show yesterday, a peach-mint gimlet. We had these peaches that were prettyyyy ripe and we needed to use. I decided to stop at the store and get some mint. Kim got home and we had enough Maker’s Mark for one cocktail. Muddled the peach, sugar and mint, added the bourbon, shake shake shake, poured over crushed ice (that we made in the food processor lol). It was quite delightful. Kim wanted to make pancakes for dinner, whatever you want honey. THEY WERE THE BEST PANCAKES I THINK I HAVE EVER EATEN. No like, I loveeeee fluffy pancakes, I don’t eat them often but, damn, they were sooooo good. Kim the chef. I was still working on that laundry, sigh, so much laundry. I went up and put it away. I’m watching Girls again on HBO. I don’t know why. Soothes me. Night.
June 5, 2017. Monday. Kim was off today, we slepttttttt in, until about 10:30 am. Kim works so much during the week and on the weekend that when Monday comes he needs to chillllllll. I actually had to be productive today since I wasn’t really over the weekend. UPS, post office, Walmart, home. I then had to make my way down to MSK for a meeting with the genetic counselor to review my BRCA2+ diagnosis (?). Basically, I’m getting both my breasts removed, the chance of cancer reoccurrence is less than 1%, it can be in the skin or somehow appear in the lymph nodes, but doesn’t happen often. So my ovaries … removal between 35-40 is recommended, “think about kids sooner rather than later”. This is what’s weird about the kid thing, all these reasons why we NEED to think about having kids but, we WANT it to be natural. Aye carumba. It’s that type of think like, well, do I want to do this because I hear about it so much or because I want it. That will most likely be a challenge but what is meant to be will be. Oh, and passing the gene on, can’t forget that. My baby will have 50% chance of getting the BRCA2 gene that I have, that’s not good. You can do things to prevent this from happening. 1. IVF – get some sperm and egg, check the egg, put the ones together that don’t have the gene and see if a baby is made, 2. Get pregnant, and check the embryo at “cell cycle 8” according to the genetic MD. Now, there are ups and down. IVF, money, money, money. However, getting pregnant, finding out the embryo has the genetic mutation and terminating it, emotional issues? However, knowing I wouldn’t be passing on the possibility of cancer on, would potentially make it okay? I don’t know, probably not but, I am not sure, we will have to see.
We went out to dinner with Kim’s parents, his brother Sam and girlfriend Meg. I guess I wanted to go out one last time before surgery (my last cocktail clearly wasn’t my last cocktail). We went to a local restaurant called The Town. Good cocktails and good food. I had a wild berry lemonade with vodka and fresh muddled berries, yumz. I had the burger for dinner, it was soooooo good. I had another cocktail, because, why not? We were home by about 9 pm. Water, water, water, packed my bag for tomorrow and it was time for the last sleep with Kim with my boobs, yup. Zzzzzzz…